Tools for Talking with Teens

In most homes, parents are willing to talk about anything that will help keep their child safe. When they are very young, we discuss “stranger danger,” what to do if they get lost at the mall and how they can exit our home if there is a fire. As our kids get older, we establish curfews and discuss safe driving. However, preventing teens from drinking before they are 21 is often a difficult issue to discuss.  

No More Excuses

We may feel hypocritical because we drank when we were teenagers, or we may just ignore it, figuring it is just a “rite of passage.” We may not fully understand the risks of underage drinking or we just might not think our teen would ever drink. It may be easy to avoid discussing underage drinking with your child, but it’s time to do away excuses. Talking to teenagers about underage drinking is a critical conversation that could save their life and the lives of others. Check out the facts that will blow away your excuses. 

Take the Time to Talk

Follow these practical tips for talking to your teen about underage drinking:

1. Teens drink for a number of reasons, so be aware of your teen’s vulnerabilities. As you begin a discussion with your teen, it is important to understand why your teen may be drinking or even considering drinking. Teens report drinking because:
   1. They are bored, and drinking gives them something to do.
   2. They feel pressured by others to drink.
   3. They are trying to escape from the challenges of their lives.
   4. They believe it’s a way to celebrate or blow off steam.
   5. They can get alcohol easily - often times from an adult.

2. The conversation, rules and consequences have to involve things important to your teen. Before you can have important discussions, set boundaries or dole out consequences, you have to create a conversation tailored to your teen. Think about what your teen would hate to lose or give up. The reasons that will persuade your teen not to drink must be reasons that are real and important to them. For example:
   1. You could lose your place on the team.
   2. You could jeopardize your possibilities for a college scholarship.
   3. You could be taken to jail.
   4. You could lose your driving privileges.

3. Set a good example. This may begin with whether, and how, you choose to use alcohol, but it shouldn’t end there. To have meaningful discussions with your teens, you must be an involved parent. You have to participate in their lives for them to really hear why you need them to wait to drink alcohol until they are 21, when they are more emotionally and physically ready. Additionally, you need to set a good example by honoring all laws.

4. Remember that mistakes are often an important part of the process. Deciding whether or not to drink alcohol is not a one-time choice for most teenagers; it is something they may be faced with every week, on multiple occasions. The decision is ongoing, so your conversation should be ongoing, as well. Remember that one bad decision does not make a bad kid. Certainly, rules and consequences need to be non-negotiable, and teens need boundaries. But keep things in perspective, and do not overreact if your teen does make a bad decision. Sometimes being caught provides parents with a “teachable moment” that can affect future decisions and behaviors.

5. Use specific examples of the impact of alcohol misuse. Talking about alcohol-related problems in the life of a family member, friend or acquaintance may help make the topic more real. 

6. Work to have a two-way conversation. Try to have a conversation rather than give a lecture. Pay attention to your tone of voice, facial expression and body language. Create an environment where your teen feels comfortable and validated in expressing his or her thoughts and opinions.

The Best Way to Influence Your Child

As a parent, you can help shape attitudes and behaviors and protect your child from the dangers of underage drinking. The best way to influence your child to avoid drinking before age 21 is to have a strong, trusting relationship with him or her. You can make a difference. Start the conversation today by talking to your children as early as 4^th grade and talk to them often.

In addition, as a parent ensure your teens are not wearing alcohol themed T-shirts or hats. In a study by the Rand Corporation, researchers found that TV alcohol ads appear to have the biggest influences on kids but that children who owned alcohol-themed hats, posters, or T-shirts were twice as likely to drink or intend to drink as their peers.

No More Excuses

“I don’t think underage drinking is really that risky.”

FACT: Underage alcohol use is more likely to kill young people than all illegal drugs combined.¹

FACT: An estimated 3.3 million teenagers in the United States are alcoholics.

FACT: Among drinkers, those who had their first drink before the age of 13 were twice as likely to have unplanned sex and more than twice as likely to have unprotected sex.²

FACT: In 2000, 2,339 youth ages 15 to 20 died in alcohol-related crashes. That’s 50 per week.³

FACT: Individuals who begin drinking at 14 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than those who postpone drinking until 21.²

FACT: Alcohol impacts both behavior and brain function differently in adolescents and adults. Adolescents are more vulnerable than adults to the effects of alcohol on learning and memory.⁴

“If underage drinking wasn’t prohibited, it wouldn’t be so appealing to teens.”

FACT:  In Europe, where the drinking age is often 16 or 18, alcohol abuse is a significant problem among teens. According to the Prevention Research Center, European teens drink more often, more heavily and get drunk more often than American teens.

“I believe that teens should just be taught to drink responsibly”

FACT: The claim that Europeans learn to drink moderately and safely in a family setting is a myth, according to the Prevention Research Center. And in case you’re under the impression that European teens are drinking responsibly, when compared to the United States, the rate of binge drinking (five or more drinks in a row) is higher in every country except Turkey.

“I drank as a teen, and I’m fine.”

FACT: Researchers are now able to measure diminished brain capacity and memory loss in teen drinkers. We are still learning how much alcohol it takes and how long the drinking must occur before the damage begins or cases significant problems. Just the possibility of limited potential should be enough to worry parents, caregivers and caring adults.

“I don’t think my teen is drinking.”

FACT: Even if they aren’t drinking, they may have friends who are and are putting them at risk.

FACT: In 2004, more than 40 percent of kids reported having had a drink of alcohol by the time they finished eighth grade.⁵

FACT: Almost all (95 percent) high school seniors believe it is easy to get alcohol, and about half of them don’t view binge drinking on weekends as a great risk.⁵

“My teen won’t listen to me.”

FACT: In study after study, young people cite their parents as a primary factor in their decisions, typically higher than the emphasis placed on friends.

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1}Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance, 2002
² Hingson, 2003
³ NHTSA, 2000
⁴ White, 2003
⁵ MTF