Tonight we kicked off the MADD National Conference with the Celebration of Life: Steps to Healing victim/survivor tribute. At the ceremony, six of the past MADD National Presidents read poems, many by famous poets, but one was written by Carl McDonald, MADD’s very own National Law Enforcement Initiative Manager, to honor his daughter Carlie.
“Balloons on a Birthday Night” By Carl McDonald
They went up this time a bit lazy The January winds were kind. New lighting on the Angel Plaza Kept them glowing into the sky.
Against the darkness they rose east Catching the light of the city. Little dancing globes Turning to stars in the heights.
Ten of them. I laughed with her for five; Cold creeping in now with unfairness. Breathing the frost of pain. No candles of warmth and light.
Gone from my sight the orbs; Nothing left to see. A silent home to return to …alone….just me.
Jan Withers, MADD National President, unveiled the “Expression Boards”—chalk boards for conference attendees to write their memories, thoughts and feelings on each day of the conference. Each night, the boards will be erased to give everyone a fresh start for the next day.
Past National President Laura Dean Mooney passing the Designated Driver Key to Current National President Jan Withers
Wall of Honor (victims and survivors of drunk driving)
David West was 12 years old when his family moved from California to the small rural town of Glide, Oregon. Most kids would despise being uprooted from everything they know to settle in the country, miles away from the nearest town, but not David. David fell in love with the county—hunting, fishing, mudding in his truck. He loved the outdoors. David grew up to become an ironworker. It was a physically demanding job, but David loved it and was proud of his work. He married his high school sweetheart, Nikki, and together they had two children.
On January 14, 2006, his sister’s birthday, David was killed in a drunk driving crash at age 29.
After David’s death, Beth’s sister contacted MADD and was provided with victim support materials, which Beth said she found very helpful. She was also assigned a victim advocate—Ann Pratt, whose son was killed in a drunk driving crash. Among other things, Ann helped the West family through the taxing legal process, and Beth credits Ann for “getting their family to where they are today.” When walking into court for the first day of the trial Beth lost it, saying “I can’t do this.” But Ann was there and told her “Yes you can.” Beth says she can’t thank Ann enough for everything she has done for her and her family.
Jacob, Dan, David and Lorri West
Since David’s death, the family has become dedicated to putting an end to senseless drunk driving deaths. Each November, they put on a community awareness event in correlation with MADD’s Tie One On For Safety holiday initiative. Local and state police departments participate in the event and bring their mobile DUI unit and impairment goggles to help the public learn more about the dangers of drunk driving. The event continues to grow each year, and in recent years more than 300 people have attended. David’s brother Dan, a MADD volunteer, has taken lead for this and several other events each year to help raise awareness in the community, in honor of his brother.
Beth, David’s mother, volunteers as a MADD court monitor and victim advocate, As a court monitor, Beth finds comfort in knowing that her presence can help make an difference. She says, “Oregon has good drunk driving laws, they just need to be enforced.” Beth became a victim advocate because she wanted to be there for other victim/survivors and their families, like her victim advocate was for her, especially during the trial. She says, “trial can be an extremely difficult experience. Many drunk driving victim/survivors have never been to court before and have no concept of the criminal justice system. It’s important for victims to know their rights, and that’s what I hope to assist with as a victim advocate.”
On the first day of a trial as a victim advocate, the victim Beth accompanied to court said “I can’t do this.” And just as her advocate had said to her years before, Beth told her, “Yes you can.”
The West family is currently going through a post-conviction appeals process, and through sharing her story, Beth hopes that she can explain to people how stressful and emotional the appeal process can be. Her advice to others is to learn not to take the criminal justice outcome personally and to accept it as part of the system. Learning to do this helped her to manage her own anguish and remain focused on making a long-term difference for others.
This past Wednesday I was honored to join Lisa Spicknall, MADD Maryland Victim Advocate, in leading death notification training for some of America’s finest—the FBI’s Office of Victim Assistance. The Office for Victim Assistance is responsible for ensuring that victims of crimes investigated by the FBI are afforded the opportunity to receive the services and notification as required by federal law and the Attorney General Guidelines on Victim and Witness Assistance.
As too many of us know, the way someone finds out about the death of a loved one can cause even more trauma to an already unbearable situation. It is so important that the person tasked with delivering the worst possible news is as prepared as possible for this difficult situation. Even as it is traumatic, if an individual is notified by a knowledgeable and compassionate professional, that moment can actually become the first moment in his or her healing journey. If not, those moments can cause a lifetime of bitterness.
MADD works extensively with law enforcement to make sure they are prepared for those vital early interactions with someone in grief, including in-person death notification trainings that help give officers best practices to use as tools during these sensitive times.
Presenting a MADD death notification training to FBI victim services specialists was inspiring. As we entered the room, Lisa and I noticed how well trained, experienced and professional the attendees were. We were amazed at their experience, 150 years total. Several had extensive death notification training and most had done many notifications, yet they were hungry for knowledge.
Of the 30 people in the room, we were touched by the life experiences shared and the losses that have touched them so profoundly. One of the victim services specialist explained to us, with tears in her eyes, how she was not only on scene to notify victims of the Aurora, Colorado movie theater tragedy, but also the Wisconsin Sikh temple murders as well. Yet, she was here to learn how she can do a better job of notifying families when a loved one has been murdered.
As we spoke to the group you could see their body language shift when they felt they had done a good job and when they were uncomfortable with a job they had done. When they reflected and discussed their thoughts on how and why we notify in the manner that we do, we could see the realization cross their faces that they felt they were better prepared to make notifications.
Each death notification class is a humbling experience. We leave knowing we have helped people come to terms with one of the most difficult parts of their jobs. No one wants to be the source of a family’s bereavement, but as the specialists left the room, our hope is they left with strategies to give a compassionate and thorough death notification.
Friends, family and community leaders gathered in Huntington, Long Island on August 10th for the unveiling of a bronze statue of Brianna Titcomb, age 13, who was killed by a drunk driver in 2005. The statue resides in Breezy Park, which was named for Brianna. Town Supervisor Frank Petrone, along with Councilman Mark Mayoka, Michael Fleicsher of the CSH Huntington Soccer club, and Brianna’s family — John, Dawn and Brett Titcomb — gathered to thank the community for their contributions in the formation of Breezy Park.
John Titcomb, Brianna’s father, emphasized the importance of having a statue of Brianna at the park by saying, “We hope that this will stimulate discussion within families and between peers about the senseless act of distracted driving and driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. We think this park is a statement of commitment by the community to raise awareness and change behavior that affects us all.”
The sculpture was the work of Michael Alfano, an East Meadow native who has created numerous public art works, including, "Stand Up, Speak Out," which was made with the support of the Long Island chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
Michael Fleischer, Frank Petrone, Titcom Family and Mark Mayoka
John Titcom, Brianna's father, speaks at the event and Family and Town Supervisor, Frank Perone, unveils the statue.
Sometimes the simple things that we can do for victim/survivors and their families often have as great of an impact as the key services that MADD provides. This can be seen through the actions of a small group of passionate scrapbooking divas in Texas who wanted to help the best way they knew how—by making unique, one-of-a-kind cards for victim/survivors of drunk driving.
Karah Ricketts, Volunteer Coordinator for the Texas State Central Region, encountered this group in her quest for victim services volunteers. Their talents didn’t quite fit into the role that typical volunteers fill, but Karah wasn’t about to let their desire to help go unfulfilled. They came up with a unique way use their creative talents while providing a valuable service for victims.
This artistic group creates hand-made custom cards for MADD to use, in conjunction with the standard “We Care Card,” to reach out to victims and survivors letting them know that we are here for them. This initial correspondence with victim/survivors is so important during a time filled with overwhelming emotions. The volunteers hope that these cards let them know that someone is thinking about them, that someone cares.
In one afternoon the eight volunteers created more than 50 beautifully unique, handcrafted cards, and since then, over a dozen people have expressed interest in joining this card-making crew. The Central Texas office plans to have monthly gatherings for volunteers to assemble to create the cards, while other volunteers have continued making cards on their own for MADD. One of the volunteers said, “I have made 25 cards in the last week. This is the most fun time I have ever had as a volunteer with any nonprofit.”
While it may seem like a small gesture, the love and care that go into making each card will undoubtedly be felt by those who receive them.
