Letter to Alisa
By | September 16, 2011 | Filed in: Drunk Driving , National President , Power of Parents , Underage Drinking

Mom Congress asked everyone to participate in their Back-to-School Blog-a-thon this week by writing a letter to their children as they start a new school year to tell them how they are going to make their school year the best it can be.  Here is my letter to my daughter, Alisa.     

Dear Alisa,

I am writing to you, wishing I could be looking at you and holding your hands as I talk.  I would tell you that everything I do centers around my love for you.  I would tell you that you are the most important person in my life so your happiness and well-being is the most important thing in my life.   I would tell you that because I love you I want you to be safe and healthy and alive.  I would share with you information on why to avoid alcohol as a teen, such as how it can make you sick, lead to sexual assault, lead to early death, lead to alcoholism, not to mention it is illegal.   I would want to hear your opinions about it.  I would like to share with you some ways to help you make good choices.   I would share with you clear guidelines and consequences, not because I want to be mean but because I want you to be healthy and safe.  And I would tell you to never ride with someone who has been drinking – ever.  

But, I can’t tell you any of those things.  I am sure you thought it would never happen to you – that terrible things only happen to someone else.  But you became that someone else when you rode with a friend who chose to drink and then drive.   You became that someone who was killed.  So, I sometimes joke that when I get to heaven to be with you…you are grounded for getting into that car!  But, I won’t. Instead, I will just cry tears of joy to see you again and hug you and kiss you and hold you and tell you I have missed you and I love you so much.

I love you to ‘finity, 

Mom

SAYING THEIR NAMES
By | September 12, 2011 | Filed in: General , National President , Victim Services

Children reciting names
Exclaiming love to eternity
Engraving names in granite
Fingers tenderly stroking a name
Hands gently laid on a name
Wishing they were caressing
Hearts longing
 
Rose buds adorning stone
Tears falling on stone
Water falling over stone
Never forgetting
Forever loving
 
I saw a widow of a person killed on 9/11 being interviewed last week, in anticipation of the ten-year anniversary of that dark day.   As tears ran down her face while describing her husband and how much she misses him, the reporter asked with a bit of surprise, “It still hurts after all this time?”  
 
Hurting just below the surface, after “all” this time, for a lifetime 
Darkness eventually lifting 
Sunshine and smiles happening again
Holding them in our hearts perpetually
Missing them without end
Loving them ceaselessly
 
My daughter, Alisa, was killed by a drunk driver.  When she was a toddler, we used to say goodnight with these exchanges, “I love you sooo much.”  “Well, I love you to the sky.”  “Well, I love you to the clouds.”  “I love you to the moon.”  “I love you to heaven.”  “Well, I love you past heaven.” 
One night, little Alisa exclaimed, “Well, I love you to ‘finity!”  I decided not to even try to top that!  I was amazed she even knew the word infinity, let alone what it meant.   So, that is now our family saying when we say goodbye to one another:  “I love you to ‘finity.”  
 
As we say their names, let us shout, I LOVE YOU TO ‘FINITY!

Remembering 9/11 (Becoming "the Someone Else")
By | September 9, 2011 | Filed in: General , National President , Victim Services

I always thought it would happen to someone else. But on April 16, 1992, I became that someone else.

It started with my husband Joe telling me that our daughter, Alisa, had been in an accident—that’s what he called it at that time. Of course, as it turns out, it wasn’t an accident at all. The truth is, someone made a choice—a tragic choice—to drive drunk.

Nearly 10 years after Alisa died, I received another shock to my system. On September 11, 2001, my husband Joe was supposed to be at the Pentagon. When I heard about the tragedies that were occurring that day, I just knew that he had died. After all, I had already been “the someone else” once before. Luckily, Joe didn’t die that day. However, our collective sense of security did.

Ten years ago this Sunday, thousands of people became “the someone else.” Losing a loved one in a tragedy caused by another person’s decision is something too many of us can relate to. Our hearts go out to everyone affected by the September 11th attacks.

It can happen to anyone at any time. Don’t become the someone who loses a loved one to a drunk driver. Become the somebody who does the something to make sure these tragedies no longer occur.

Gifts of Love
By | September 8, 2011 | Filed in: Drunk Driving , General , National President

Last weekend in Virginia Beach was indescribably wonderful.

Gift of Gratitude:  A ballroom full of law enforcement professionals were honored by  MADD Southside Virginia, presenting awards for the officers’ commitment to saving lives in preventing drunk drivers from populating the roadways.   I was taken with how excited and appreciative they were to be recognized for their hard work.

Gift of Dedication:  Kaye and Bob Walsh are dedicated to saving lives after their daughter, Robin, was killed by a multiple repeat drunk driver.  They both quit their jobs in order to fully pursue effective means to stop this violent crime.  These two MADD volunteers began a court monitoring program that is now a model for the country.  Their efforts are credited by the city of Virginia Beach for significant reduction in drunk driving last year.  In addition, the Navy recognizes their contribution in reducing drunk driving on the Naval Base by 30%.  That’s pretty powerful tributes to Robin’s legacy!

Gifts of Love:  The volunteers gathered the following day to share and exchange ideas.   The love as well as mutual respect was profound. 
Krystle Burke and Alex Owens were so proud that we pulled off surprising Bob and Kaye with an award at the banquet.   As Kaye said, “You made me do the ugly cry.”  That’s the ultimate compliment.   Krystle and Alex donate their time and talents because of their beliefs, big hearts, and desire to never be personally affected by drunk driving.   
Susan Newton was severely injured by someone impaired by alcohol and drugs.  She steadfastly speaks at victim impact panels in order to influence convicted drunk drivers how victims of the crime are affected.  She, along with all the MADD volunteers, does whatever is needed to stop the carnage of this crime.
Bobbie's husband is a police officer.  She came with her daughter just to share with us how much the ceremony and recognition meant to the officers and how much they appreciate the partnership with the MADD volunteers.

Sharon and Steve Etzell's beautiful daughter, Laura, was killed only two years ago by a drunk driver.   They relay how Bob and Kaye have loved them to the healthy place they are now.  Kaye has been known to have them come over just to eat a bowl of soup she makes for them and take a nap.  She says, “No, we didn’t do anything – you two have done all the hard work.”  

Before they left, Sharon gently handed me the most beautiful bracelet to keep.  She first created many of these bracelets to donate to their Walk Like MADD as a way to raise revenue.  Steve said they would be up late at night stringing the beads together.   I feel so privileged.  I not only will keep this gift, I am wearing it with joy and treasure it with love, always remembering Laura.  I like to think she is dancing with my Alisa now, as they care for their many kitties together.

Gifts of Love:  Our MADD family is so inspiring, so uplifting and so loving.   I left feeling embraced and wanting more.   What a gift!

Warmly,
Jan Withers,  MADD National President

Labor Day Weekend Drive Safe and Sober
By | September 1, 2011 | Filed in: Drunk Driving , General , National President

We are on our way to Virginia Beach to join with MADD Southside Virginia in honoring their law enforcement officers for their efforts to fight drunk driving. Clearly the Labor Day weekend traffic has begun. Our highway safety officials are warning us to Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over. This symbolizes the last weekend of the summer when families frequently share the time together. The roads are jammed with cars filled with families.

We at MADD just want you to enjoy the time by planning a way home with a sober driver. My own daughter was killed when she was only 15, her life cut short before it began. Be sure no one you love has their life cut short by someone who chooses to drink and drive. Jan Withers....MADD President